(sticks and stones)

(sticks and stones)

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But your words will never hurt me, no

No, they won’t slice my flesh or crack my jaw
No, they won’t leave me bloodied and bruised
They won’t beat me, burn me, break me down
No, if they did, then we’d call that abuse

No, I was taught that the words, while lethally sharp,
They should bounce right off my thick skin
Then they’d fall to the floor, tumble out the front door
And keep me safe and unharmed within

But for those words to bounce, I’d learned to become rigid
How to lock every muscle and bone
How tense shoulders and jaw make a strong enough backboard
To absorb the shock of your vicious tone

Eventually I realized that most words never fell
In fact, they never went far at all
For too often my mouth fell frozen, ajar
An open doorway into which they would crawl

Some words would linger on the tip of my tongue
So I’d repeat the vitriol I’d received
While others scurried deeper, into my throat, my lungs
Making me fight every day just to breathe

And the words kept coming, colonizing my organs
Wreaking havoc on my nerves and my veins
But living in a constant state of rigidity
Meant living detached from those pains

Then when the weight of your words caught up to me
When my frozen body began to thaw
When my physical symptoms demanded to be felt
When I finally unlocked my jaw

I realized that while sticks and stones can break my bones
Your words have forever plagued me

Because I’m sick and hurting in a thousand ways
Some pain flares while others chronically simmer
And when suffering finds me even in sleep
The darkness within grows that much dimmer

When words are thrown like stones and sticks
When they are force-fed or poison in disguise
When they are painstakingly etched into my very bones
Your words have clearly been weaponized

See, my bones weren't broken by sticks and stones
But forever changed by harmful tones
By lashings of tongue
By hatred spewed
By comments crooked, criticizing, crude
By displacing blame
By adding to my shame
By your gaslit defense
As if this were a game
By promises failed, false and fake
By the way you'd say sorry without owning your mistakes
By screaming and yelling
Instead of talking or telling
By knowing ways to make me feel worthless and small
By all the times you could have spoken up when I needed you
But instead you'd say nothing at all

Sticks and stones may break my bones
And words can also hurt me

Yes, your words did really hurt me.

Yes, your words still do hurt me.

But no, I won't let them break me.
No.
Your words will never break me.

@paige.thepoet